The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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