my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
