I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
