i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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