Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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