I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You made out with two different species that night
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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