I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
