I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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