You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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