Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
