so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
