Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
