just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
