and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
