Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It was confusing and full of hummus
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
