I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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