The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
