i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
