So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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