I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
