how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
