you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
