I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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