i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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