Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
40s are totally the cure
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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