he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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