Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
