Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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