What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
