His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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