Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
