Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
