just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
