If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
