my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
