the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
