Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The power of my boobs compel you
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
