Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
But break dance skills will only take you so far
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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