how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
