I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
