Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Come share oat with me in your robe
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
