I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
