i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
