over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
