I wannas sexs uuuuu
Ambien. No doubt about it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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