Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
