we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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