Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
