i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
