So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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