I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i've created a new STD.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
